Just venting

Thoughts on life:

Sometimes I hate being a journalist. And now I hate architects (forgive me, Mom; I strongly dislike architects.)

I've spent this summer completing an internship in Chicago, writing for an architecture magazine. Prior to this summer, I didn't know anything about the industry; everything I wrote was a new learning process. Over the course of the last 10 weeks, I've learned plenty (know the difference between an open plenum ceiling and a suspended one? I do), but maybe the most important thing I've learned is that I do not like this industry. And I do not like architects.

The big reason I do not like this industry is that the finer details - which are the details I write about - are just not interesting to me. There is a lot about architecture that is very interesting, and I've had the pleasure of learning all about Chicago architecture in particular. But the little stuff (ceiling systems, glass use, heating/ventilation systems, etc.) is just not that exciting. So I get bored - and distracted - easily.

As for architects, maybe I've just had bad experiences. Either way, every time I've encountered an architect this summer, they seem to look down their nose at me. They think they're something special because they're designing these multi-million-dollar skyscrapers, and apparently I'm nothing but a measly journalist with nothing better to do than to write about what they're doing.

The breaking point was yesterday. I had an interview with two architects that was awkward and embarrassing. The architects acted so perturbed that they had to waste their time with me, and they were so pompous. They made me feel so small, so inferior. And I hated it. Every second of it.

Well I have news for you, architects: I don't give a rat's patoot about what you do. I don't care how many skyscrapers you've designed. You're nothing to me but another Joe Schmo. All I ask is that you look at me the same.

This, on a broader aspect, is the big thing I hate about journalism. There have been so many times that subjects of mine have made me feel like so much less than them. They make me feel so worthless, as if I'm nothing more than an annoying little bug worshipping the ground they walk on by publishing a story on them. I am a waste of their time.

I hate feeling worthless.

I know that part me is just stressing about finding a job that I like and all, but it's legitimately scary that what I want to be when I grow up sometimes makes me feel so...sad. I see a lot of other journalists, and I see that they've just formed a shell to this sort of stuff. They play the role of bully or lapdog and they get the story they need, no big deal.

I don't like being a bully or a lapdog.

Sorry to vent, but this is stressing me out today. And I don't like to stress.